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Nov 18 2012

Slings and Arrows

Angry I need to talk emotions!  When you are taking care of someone with kidney disease or (maybe it is just Kat) you may have to reign in your emotions in order not to lose sanity! What I mean is Kat has been stressed out because I want to visit my father just after Thanksgiving next week. In the past she tolerated him but now she literally was getting sick with depression and her blood pressure stayed up for 3 days in a row just at the thought of even going to dinner with my father. I understand that my father can be very difficult (the guilt, debating attitude, and his unconscious put-downs) but taken in small doses I can control my emotional feelings - after all he is my father (unconditional love). However, I think Kat’s mental state from her kidney disease has overly exaggerated the situation to the point that I had to cancel a simple two-hour dinner (which was a compromise – an effort on my part to balance EVERYONE’s feelings) . Listen, I am angry about it but then again released from another tough decision, Kat’s ridiculous concerns, and of having to suffer my father’s slings and arrows. Still is it worth the sacrifice of my emotions! Remember me the hero! I feel like I am in a circus where I just want to juggle but instead I am mistaken for being a human target! Oh, well, I’ll duck this one, quack!

About the author

Richard Klein

Founding Member of Prismhawk LLC an online publish company dedicated to sharing learning experiences in language arts, nature, and care giving. Richard lives with his wife Kat. He has worked for over 20 years in customer and technical services. Richard has BA's in English Education and Literature, he also minored in Biological Science. His favorite videos are It's a Wonderful Life, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, and Avatar. He is also a huge Doctor Who and Star Trek fan.

3 comments

  1. Carol Gibson

    I am going to disagree here. Yes as a care taker you often need to rearrange you life to accommodate your loved one. But I also feel that often chronically ill people become quite adept at the art of using their illness as way of manipulating their loves ones to get their own way.

    I think that Kat wanted this outcome you not seeing your father and she got it. And I don’t think it is emotionally healthy for you as her caretaker to always put her needs first.

    You are no good to her as a care taker of you don’t get any of your needs met. Heroes need breaks too. Stress is an invisible killer is sneaks around slowing robbing you of your ability to cope to heal from infection.

    Remember the saying who watches the watchers well who cares for the caretaker.

    1. Richard Klein

      Carol, You may be right but I had to look at the actual physical results of her so called manipulation. She had a blood pressure (and more memory loss – she thought that Saturday was Tuesday and we had to go to the clinic) that was going up for 3days with no outside reason that I could think of except this. Even if she was concious of “getting her way” I was reluctant to have the bp go any higher than 170/90! True it could effect my own health. Still, I always find a creative way to ground my emotions… I am doing some of it right now! Thanks Carol for the advise, I will nevertheless, keep this in mind. YOur still my best friend!

  2. Carol Gibson

    You have to do what you think is best. But it is classic behavior and it gets reinforced. She has an issue of over dramatizing things and this is the results of course her blood pressure goes up she is upset she is not getting what she wants which upsets and stresses her out.

    This is how chronically ill people become tyrants and make it hard for their care takers to care for them like I said if the care taker needs are never met then eventually they get burned out. And then they can no longer be an effective care taker. .

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